i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
