i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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