I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
