I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
