I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
