I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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