If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
