having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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