At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
