Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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