Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
