I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
