Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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