We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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