Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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