my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
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right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
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I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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