I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
