Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
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The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
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I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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