Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
