weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
how does that bad decision feel?
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