I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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