He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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