my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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