He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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