do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
