what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
