What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
