I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
