i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize