i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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