just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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