Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
