Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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