Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
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