weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think I am morally bankrupt
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?