im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.