there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.