My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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