Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
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...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
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Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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