Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.