I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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