I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
