I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
