His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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