Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
