I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
