You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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