so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Blood and glitter go together right?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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