morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize