I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
