In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
