FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
