The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
