not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
