take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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