oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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