if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
